IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES…

IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES!!!

By Katie Helms

            Okay, I know you’re wondering how and maybe should be wondering why an English education major is going on some hiatus to San Blas, Mexico, well at least that was what I was wondering after signing up for the Murray State Mexican ecology trip. But I thought what the heck at least it would sound cool when I got back to school, “What’d (you know how Okies talk) you do for spring break?” “Oh, well I went to Mexico,” I figured a few details of my own, like hot guys and lots of beer (which was exactly the opposite of what was there, but anyway) would add nicely to my romantic illusion.  However, you know the old saying “Nothing is better than the real thing” (or maybe I made that up); this trip was definitely a testament to that statement.

            With each piece of luggage we loaded, a piece of my security was lost.  Strange people, strange country, and camping (“Oh my God! Camping?!!) These (let’s call them issues) kept creeping into my mind.  We set off for our rendezvous with the Kansasans, not knowing what to expect but indicating some signs of bonding amongst ourselves.  Well the big pow-wow was a bit of a smoke screen, because of the segregation incident in the Prairie Kitchen but we were destined to bond before the end of the trip.  The trip begins, I think.  We all slept most of the way (quite common you’ll notice) to Laredo arriving around 6 a.m.

            The Border.  I feel as if in some way I am guilty of something just for going across the Rio Grand.  Going through customs is like pretending to not be drunk on the drive home from the bar on Thursday nights; everybody sit down, shut-up, smile “!Buenos dias!”  And all is well until this point, you’ve just rattled off a little Spanish that sounds slightly coherent.  So what do the Mexicans do, they make the dumb mistake of actually thinking you can speak it, and the interrogation begins.  However we were fortunate on this trip (watch out for the horror stories of years past) we didn’t have any problems getting through customs, other than our driver didn’t know which lane to pull through.

            Nuevo Laredo.  Have you ever tried doing your taxes? (This probably isn’t a very relevant question for me, since I have never done taxes)  Okay, now try doing them in Spanish.  Get my drift?  This is what should be expected when applying for a visa at the border. (Note to the retired traveler: you know the old people who have never left Po-dump, Oklahoma-don’t plan a R.V. vacation for Mexico)  Well, we did make it through the passport check and things were going great, until Dwight (the instructor from Kansas a.k.a Jerry Garcia) had some complications with his car insurance.  So, we sat in the customs parking lot for 6 hours, getting our first experiences with the Spanish life and beginning to bond with the Kansasans.  I feel it my moral duty to point out the fact (a fact which was failed to be mentioned to me, prior to the trip) that Mexico has no toilet seats (two words for you: hover position) and toilet paper is not self-serve like America, but rather pay-by-the sheet.  

            We make the annual stop at Abuelito’s where among other things goat head is a gourmet delicacy.  We arrive in Bustamante Canyon around 9:30 p.m.  The true biologists set out for exploration of the area.  (I on the other hand feel my initial doubts turn to panic.)  It was cold and rainy but I thought I would try to display the enthusiastic attitude I predicted it would take to get an “A”, and got out of the van to validate my attempt.  Okay we caught a snake back to the van for Katie.  We go to sleep in the van after a little card game (which was a total waste of energy-and later on in the trip was practically unheard of.)

            Hours of driving and praying – for a radio station that plays something besides salsa!  We cross the Tropic of Capricorn (I always found it odd that they put cancer on top. It’s sort of a paradox considering cancer is bad for you.)  We do the whole picture thing – loads of fun! (Did that sound convincing, Bruce?)  Bathroom in the cactus and we are off again.  I must warn you this next section of writing I refer to as hell but don’t be alarmed.  We stop to eat, a pretty normal thing, but when we got back on the road the “shit hit the fan” or maybe I should say “puke.”  Jennifer (Laura’s daughter) got back in the van with complainants of a stomachache.  (Annoyed with the whining my impatience with children left me victim to the slap of reality that came next.)  After a few more complaints the chunks flew.  Okay, I’ll admit my maternal instincts appeared and I spent the rest of the evening catching regurgitated food in Wal-Mart sacks and chunking them out the window. (I got pretty darn good at it too!)

            At about 5:30 a.m. we arrive at camp and the fun begins.  The reptile and amphibian day is like being in a remake of the movie Rambo. (Chavez, the instructor even wears the red headband to prove it.)  We were hauled out into the jungle and told !buscar!  I failed to mention that neither of our instructors spoke any English however, a comforting discernment we were able to make was “don’t pick up black and red snakes or rattlesnakes everything else is good.”  (I’m thinking hell the only kind of good snake is a dead one)  But I am motivated participate for the simple reason I didn’t want the Mexicans beating the Americans. (Due to the success ratio throughout the week, we later decide the animal hunts must have been rigged.)  We walk and hunt all day, the Mexicans catch lizards and iguanas, we catch the littlest lizard in the whole country of Mexico.  Thank goodness a long day was over.

            Since they told me I was writing way too much I’m going to try to condense the rest of my story. 

Tuesday- Bird Day   Yeah! Laura speaks English and we can actually understand what is going on.  I liked the “birding” (how do you like that technical term?) it was a little more relaxing and enjoyable.   

Wednesday- Mammal Day  We set traps on Tuesday night, hoping to regain some respect after not catching an iguana or any birds the previous two days.  However, things went as usual and we only caught a couple mice to the 50 that the Mexicans caught.  We took them back to camp and skinned and stuffed them. (Stuffing a mouse was actually pretty fun! I never thought I’d say that.) 

Thursday- Super Great Fish Day!!!  We took this huge net out in the ocean and worked as a team (yes, we are now on the last day bonding with the Mexicans) to drag the sane into shore with our captured fish inside.  It was a total blast!  Thursday night we went into San Blas.  It was so enchanting (but not a Disney World enchanting).  My friends Anaii and Sean, along with myself snuck into the courthouse and up to the balcony overlooking the town square.  (Yes, yes, that’s right, Bond, Katie Bond.)

Friday- Trip down the river day.  We took a boat ride on which we saw lots of cool birds.  Then we got to watch all the Olympic hopeful divers put on an incredible display of athleticism on the trapeze bar.  We returned to camp for good-bye photo session and then we are off on one last adventure before departing for home.  Here is the short and dry of it: we drove for an hour to an alleged waterfall, scaled down the side of a mountain to find absolute paradise.  We discovered this waterfall running off the side of a mountain (I would estimate the height, but I know it would be way off.)  It was picture perfect, straight out of National Geographic.

Saturday- We depart the campsite.  I was miserably sick all day and totally oblivious to any of the events of the day.  All I know is we arrived in Real de Catorce around 9:30 p.m. and it was not a minute too soon.

Sunday-  Real de Catorce  I still wasn’t feeling well, but I did manage to tour the city somewhat.  We went to the old church and graveyard, both of which were exquisite.  We wandered through the market street and enjoyed the day outside of the van.  I feel compelled to mention the people who we stayed with while in Real, Humberto and Cornelius, were the neatest most culturally diverse people I’ve ever met. (Probably had something to do with the fact they could speak 3 or 4 languages.)  They were also super nice and their hospitality was greatly appreciated by this weary traveler.

Monday-  Oklahoma or Bust!  We do a little more shopping and point the vans north.  We drove all day and night without much excitement except for one last story.  At one of the check points I exchanged phone numbers (a fake one of course) with the officer, after several inquires about my possession of a boyfriend, (all in Spanish, of course) he kindly let us pass through without a search.

Tuesday-  HOME!  3:00 p.m. Tuesday afternoon I am sitting at home on my own couch eating something besides beans and tortillas, watching television, all the while with the comfort of knowing if nature calls there is a toilet seat on the toilet.

This was one of the best trips I’ve ever taken and I would recommend it to anyone!!!